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Josh's Random Observations from
HALF MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS ARE FERRETS

Thursday, January 9th
1:15 PM: La Bastille (AKA French)
Madam Zizi, our French teacher, just told us to write a paragraph about our family, but since I don’t know the French for “ridiculously bad-tempered psychos,” it’s gonna be difficult for me. Madam Zizi says we can finish our paragraph at home.

Does one sentence count as a paragraph?

Absolutely it does, which means I can spend the entire evening chilling out to Megadeath and designing a cool cover for my album. Yes!!
Tuesday, January 14th
5:00 PM:
The doorbell rings and I go downstairs. Davey’s standing on the porch, and he’s got a reddish hue. Combined with his short hair and round face, he looks like a worried beet.

“I hate girls,” he says.

I nod, thinking that maybe Lydia or Hannah has made some cruel remark about his huge nose, festering zits, or terrible hairstyle.
Tuesday, January 14th
7:30 PM: SINK, Local Divey Diner
Jesus, “Stand by Your Man” is a very catchy song. If I sing it one more time, I might have to stick an unwashed fork in my eye. Music like that should come with a health warning.

“WARNING: This crap is weirdly addictive. It might seriously damage your brain, and could make you want to take up lassoing as a hobby.”
Tuesday, February 18th
6:30 PM: INNER SANCTUM
Davey calls to ask me to come over. He needs my design skills in Photoshop so he can make a flattering profile picture for Facebook. In particular, he’d like his nose reduced.

I say, “Davey, unfortunately I don’t think my skills, impressive as they are, are quite up to that.”

Silence.

“Just kidding, Davey,” I say. “My Photoshop skills are second to none!”

At least Davey makes an effort in the looks department. Ollie once had a piece of salami in his hair for three whole days.
 
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